Can you see a line? I am sure there is a line?
For those of us in the TCC community I know we have heard this a thousand times...I am a pee on a stick addict. Now for those of you who don't know what this means, let me try to explain and give you a real look of what it is like to be a pee on a stick addict or POAS addict.
Okay this is usually how it goes...Day 1 this is the first day of your new cycle, you have either accepted it didn't happen this month or you are still grieving (or in some cases..screaming, crying and acting out..depends on the month) so the days go on, you are better, you have recovered from day one and are looking forward. Everything seems okay, it is a new month and new hope and new excitement that this may really be the month. So now you are on day 10, okay things are still going okay but you know that it is time to start ovulation testing. So you do this all the while still in pretty good spirits. And you get your positive ovulation test...now you are excited..okay we are prime and ready to go! So now you "have fun" ( I will talk about this later and how this is me being sarcastic) and you "have fun" and "have fun"...okay you get the drift. Now we are on day 16, usually for me this means I am now two days past ovulation. My prime time is up and now we are in the....dreaded...horrible...just plain mean...TWO WEEK WAIT. Oh man just typing it gives me chills. This is the time from when you ovulated until your new cycle or Day 1 comes again and all you are waiting for is enough time to pass after ovulation to take a pregnancy test.
In this awful two week wait is when the addict come out. Most sane people don't test until after they have expected their new cycle. Not for a POAS addict. We start testing at the earliest moment possible. This means we have done hours of research to find out when someone, somewhere got there positive test on the earliest day possible. Most of us have seen it happen as early as 9 days past ovulation (DPO) . So then it will be hard for me to make you understand why I have started testing as early as 7 DPO..I know, this is ridiculous but think about the mind of an addict..never rational.
So the testing starts, and just like any other drug once it has started it is so hard to stop. You will spend your life savings for one of those damn tests. And so you test, and test and test. You see phantom lines, you decide to use the digital and then when it says "not pregnant" you think it must be wrong so you go back to the ones with lines. I have walked into the dollar store and bought ten $1 pregnancy tests at one time. As I go through the register I can't even make eye contact with the cashier.
Now, I am so ashamed to admit this, but remember I was in the throws of the addiction, but in one day I once tested...6 times...because from somewhere deep in my sickness I really thought that test was going to change one of those times...
The problem with the two week wait not only has to do with the testing but it is also with the fact that for me this is the time where I become obsessed with all things pregnancy. I do most of my research during this time, I go on all the pregnancy websites during this time, I watch all my favorite pregnancy shows during this time. So you can see how the obsession feeds the addiction.
So there I am testing, my poor husband just shaking his head and I do this for literally one full week and sometimes multiple times a day (remember I don't usually start until at least 7 days after ovulation) and so after countless tests, hours and hours of research and more money than I would ever admit...Day 1 starts the cycle all over again. I am again rational and promise myself I will not sub come to my addiction next month.
I will give it to at LEAST day.....10.
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