The Humor Factor

So, when I started this blog I figured it would be a great way to get out my frustration and anxiety with the whole process of trying to have a baby. Then, after writing my first few posts and talking to one of my greatest friends about the blog she said something that has stuck with me ever since. She thought it was great and interesting but could tell I was hiding behind humor. Now let me tell you about my great friend, she says things constantly that are so astute and make me stop,think and really look at myself. And you know what she was right on. From my first post when I explain about things like my miscarriage, my husband's SA analysis and just my overall feeling about this process never did I say how scared, sad or worried I am about this. Why do we do that, hide behind our humor? Because, it is uncomfortable for everyone involved, for me who is writing about it and you who are reading it. I knew that when I decided to do this blog up that possibly a lot of people would read it. People like my mom, dad, sister, friends, extended family. So when I started to think about writing about the really hard stuff I thought how do I make this sound o.k., so that way no one will feel uncomfortable. So, therefore I used humor. This is not to say that I can't talk about experiences that I will and have gone through with some jest because face it some of this stuff is just really funny. But today is different....

I need to write about something sad, and there is no way to sugar coat it or make it funny or lighten it up because in the end it is just...sad.

Next Tuesday, 09/15/09 is what was supposed to be my due date. A whole nine months have passed since I got pregnant and a whole 8 months have passed since I lost the baby. No words can describe how sad I am about this. Instead of saying I will be okay, it's alright it will happen for us again or any other words that try to make this something that it is not, which is just hard, I am going to say that 8 months ago I lost something that was so special to Eric and I, something that we both loved very much in the short time we had it, 09/15/09 will pass for most as just another day and for me it will be forever ingrained in my memory, it will forever be the day that was supposed to be one of the happiest of my life.